We're facebook friends in real life
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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