exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
