i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
