we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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