I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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