I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
