Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
