I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
zippers are such a cool invention
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
