I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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