i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
