Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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