I cockslap morals
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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