After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
