i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
