I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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