Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
