If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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