WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
