I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
