If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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