i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
