if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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