i permit you to call me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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