I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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