Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
