no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
