we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
