On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
