Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
