Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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