in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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