just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You pole danced in your parka.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
