eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
