2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
