got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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