If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
