she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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