why didn't you poke me back
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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