Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize