there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
