Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I love having hate sex.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
