If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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