You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
