clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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