6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish I only lived at night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
