I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
