He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
