Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
