I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
