It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
