R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
