when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You are the jesus of drinking
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
