If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
