if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
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This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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