I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
