He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
