By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
