Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize