I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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