you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
