her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Never underestimate the power of titties
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
