Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
