new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
