Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
