Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.

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  (586): In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson. http://tfl.nu/nef3
  Replies (2) Good night (1477) Bad night (590)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!

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  (502): Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER! http://tfl.nu/qf7o
  Replies (9) Good night (897) Bad night (1983)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.

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  (636): I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher. http://tfl.nu/pfmp
  Replies (132) Good night (8562) Bad night (882)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.

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  (732): I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes. http://tfl.nu/xdyw
  Replies (12) Good night (782) Bad night (3840)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?

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  (808): Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes? http://tfl.nu/1azu
  Replies (2) Good night (708) Bad night (2573)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?

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  (905): Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it? http://tfl.nu/ugmv
  Replies (91) Good night (2041) Bad night (17515)
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  (518): View more from New York

  im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.

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  (518): im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine. http://tfl.nu/cj5c
  Replies (14) Good night (4603) Bad night (1229)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.

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  (720): just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing. http://tfl.nu/182p
  Replies (8) Good night (4601) Bad night (1255)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?

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  (815): Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes? http://tfl.nu/tg6b
  Replies (6) Good night (2468) Bad night (819)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.

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  (541): She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning. http://tfl.nu/4pom
  Replies (17) Good night (2729) Bad night (917)
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  (619): View more from California

  Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.

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  (619): Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me. http://tfl.nu/2xwv
  Replies (5) Good night (473) Bad night (1961)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have

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  (207): Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have http://tfl.nu/07nn
  Replies (1) Good night (841) Bad night (367)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night

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  (440): no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night http://tfl.nu/ig4q
  Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (732)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work

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  (859): You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work http://tfl.nu/e8m2
  Replies (3) Good night (1202) Bad night (542)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"

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  (608): I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!" http://tfl.nu/mxo7
  Replies (9) Good night (1165) Bad night (476)

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