ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it