you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
