Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.