his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As shirtless as possible
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
