She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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