I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.