It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
this will be a night to untag.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
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By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.