what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize