If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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