Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
