I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
They took my balls.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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