Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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