My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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