If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
