my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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