I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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