Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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